She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
