Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
