Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
