he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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