The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
