When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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