I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
