tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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