From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
