yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
