you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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