Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
