it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize