I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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