Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
