theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
