She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
