I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
