Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
