I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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