used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
