then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
