p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
