No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
