I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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