Who wears a wallet chain?!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
