Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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