Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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