I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
