I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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