If i could tip my vagina, i would.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
