Someone shit on the floor
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
