i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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