Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dear god my vagina.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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