i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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