I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
