when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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