Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
