Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
