Kiss
Puke
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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