I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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