What a fucking waste of an outfit
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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