Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
