Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Are my feet made of real feet?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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