we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
