I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
