I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
