Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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