She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
