Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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