So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
