using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
