I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
