so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
