She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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