Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
