There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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