please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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