Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
