i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
