this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
