Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize