Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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