I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
