apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
